1 Habit That Is Killing Your Business Growth (and How One Shift Can Change EVERYTHING!)

This is an important question (one that’s too complex to answer in a single blog post) but I do believe women have one particular habit that kills our business growth and keeps us from succeeding at the levels we could.

Men, Women and Business Challenges

Men and women face similar challenges when building a business, but where we differ is how we RELATE to ourselves as we go through these challenges. Men seem better able to remain objective about business issues; they don’t take the ups and downs of entrepreneurship too personally.

Women, on the other hand, have a more difficult time dealing with setbacks and challenges. Call us “sensitive, “overly emotional” or “thin-skinned,” but many of us take what happens (or doesn’t happen) in our businesses personally. We can be so critical of ourselves, can’t we? When our business doesn’t measure up, WE don’t measure up; our self-worth and confidence can get very tied to our results and bottom line.

The Habit That Keeps You Stuck

Our crazy, overdeveloped “inner critic” goes on a rampage when our results aren’t what we expect them to be. Worse – many of us start to believe only by being hard on ourselves will we create the results we want (because how else will we stay motivated, right)?

Ironically, beating yourself up is the habit that keeps you from succeeding. Why? Because criticism (whether self-imposed or external) robs us of our enthusiasm, energy and ability to create what we want. It zaps our self-esteem and keeps us from our real power.

Imagine a Small Child

Imagine a small child learning to tie her shoes. As her parent – would you criticize her every mistake? Such “negative feedback” would put a dent in her self-confidence, and no doubt she’d soon give up.

Funny though – as women, we do this to ourselves all the time. When a prospect fails to return a call or cancels a meeting, we make that event about us – OUR worth and abilities. We criticize ourselves for not “doing it right” – and doubt if we have what it takes to succeed. The entire process puts a major chink in our confidence and makes us want to give up.

In contrast, what if you praised that little girl for every attempt at tying her shoes? With compassion and positive feedback, she’d enjoy the process of learning; she’d continue her efforts and get better (and faster) results.

Your Inner Cheerleader

Compassion and positive feedback are the keys for women’s success too! How you relate to yourself (as critic or cheerleader) impacts your confidence, the action you take, and the results and income you create. Instead of berating yourself, what if you developed your “inner cheerleader” – and learned to be more encouraging and compassionate with yourself when facing a challenge?

This may feel “counter-intuitive” to you (especially if you have a well-developed inner critic)! You may say to yourself – “Well, if I’m too easy on myself… I’ll get soft and not follow through… I won’t create what I want.”

In fact, the opposite happens. The kinder you are to yourself, the more empowered you will feel. Positive feedback motivates women more than anything, and when we give it to ourselves, business challenges lose their hold on us. They stop being a reflection of our worth and start becoming opportunities for growth and learning.

5 Ways to Turn Your “Inner Critic” Into a Powerful “Inner Cheerleader”

Here are a few simple exercises that my clients (and myself) have used that can keep you inspired even when facing tough business challenges.

1. Focus on what’s working (even in the most challenging situation, SOMETHING is working).

Where are you winning? What ARE you doing well? Keep track of your accomplishments (daily if you can) and give yourself a ton of recognition for everything positive.

2. Look for lessons and opportunities in every challenge. What if everything really does happen for a reason (and it always serves us)? Ask yourself, what is the lesson in this current challenge? How can I use what I’m learning here to move my business forward?

3. Be more compassionate with yourself, and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Speak to yourself in compassionate ways.

“Of course I’m upset… what I am going through is tough, and it’s understandable to feel frustrated. AND – I acknowledge and congratulate myself for _______________. I know I am learning a lot right now, and with a little more time and practice I’ll create what I want.”

4. Focus on WHO you are, not just WHAT you are doing. WHO are you becoming as you pursue your goals? What strengths and qualities do you already possess, and which are you developing?

What you create (results, sales, etc) will come and go – but WHO you become in the process of building your business is the only real and lasting measure of success.

5. Keep a WIN journal for a minimum of 2 weeks. For 5 minutes a day (or longer if you wish) jot down answers to the following questions:

• Where AM I winning right now?
• What am I really proud of right now?
• WHO am I becoming every day by building my business?
• What can I do to be my own best “cheerleader” right now?
• How can I be more compassionate and supportive?
• How can I encourage myself?

It’s natural to feel discouraged when working through business challenges (whether you are male or female!). I strongly believe, however, that as we learn to silence the “inner critic” and become better cheerleaders to ourselves, women will tap into our real strengths, and easily create the business and lifestyle we deserve.

Article by Sonia D. Stringer